118. Daily Renewal: 6 Ways to Seize the Moment for Change
I can say as a Virgo and becoming a change junkie. The number one thing that helped me become and step into that which is forever. Life choice was being flexible, you know, equal parts discipline and flexible. So I have an intention, I have a plan, I have a schedule, I have goals, I will do my best. If it doesn't work out. Okay, right away my brain. I have trained myself so well in that way, but as soon as something happens and it didn't go, the way I wanted my kid, that's not an option anymore. What are my options? It opens up everything. There's so many options. If you think about it, that way, welcome to the first episode of spiritually, hungry podcast in 2023, very excited to be back with our listeners and hopefully share some inspiration. Looks like it's been forever. It does. Yes, I am sure our listeners lives have been very busy and distracted. Excited for change. Change and more change. So let us make sure the change that we are seeking is the one that is manifested and then maybe we can have some tools to help us create change. So whether it what's the purpose? What's the topic is episode? I think we just said it, it's a new year so thought it's apropos to talk about change. At this time of year, we always write new years, everybody's thinking about out with the old in with the new resolutions. But when you boil it down really, what is it? It's change, right? This is kind of sexy because change everybody, I think on some level knows requires consistent and continual work, but change is hard. Change is so hard that 40% of people would rather die than change? That sounds insane and like I made that number up, right? I didn't. I have a chart in front of me that you guys can't see. But what it says is the percentage of premature deaths in the u.s. Is broken down by causes from an article in New England Journal of Medicine from 2007. PR be a nonpartisan research, organization reports that the percentage of premature death United States that caused that are caused by Behavior was closer to 40%. So premature death is defined as occurring before age. Can you guess? Stop with 75 80 60. Then he said, I was kind of excited about that. It's crazy. When you get to a certain age you started like the goalposts. How many? It's I don't even. Yeah, I am not going to talk about that today. We're luckily we're both very young. So that's what happened Forever. Young genetic predisposition accounts for 30% of premature deaths, but it turns out the biggest wedge in this graph, 40% are due to behaviors that can be changed. And that's why I think this is really powerful. So there's four primary Mary causes one is diet to is obesity. 3 is smoking. And then the first three are behaviors that link that are linked to the 4th, which is high blood pressure, high blood pressure, which is also caused by other behaviors. Like excessive drinking alcohol caffeine too much stress, not enough exercise. So no one should feel any Shame about this. It's not that people don't want to change, they really do. I am sure that everybody wholeheartedly created their list or still doing that first, Ken what four days in five days in? Well, the mother says listen to this about 11 days in. Whatever it's not. Like they're not trying, they are. I mean, even if you think about this, a has an eight percent success rate, it's always crazy. Also, 60% of people who completed opioid rehab relapse in, just one week with up to 80% relapsing in the first year. It's crazy. I can go on and on. I mean, if you want to hear about the highest Jim run up and revenues in the world and the u.s. Germany, okay? It's tied between 6.2 billion in Revenue. I mean, people really, really want we spend so much money make the commitment by the first month and then second and then you stop your membership. And then you restart it Americans. Spend 35 billion dollars a year on Jim. Well, how many of them don't use it? I mean, I know I would assume very large. I was to, I don't know, it's just so bright. Want to tell you one other personal story about a friend of mine in regards to her mother, my friend, Catherine, her mother died unexpectedly. She had heart disease, high blood pressure and was overweight, and doctors had admonished her for years to get on top of this. Kathryn spent her adult life watching her mother with the struggle. And she tried one died after another, and then she fall back into her bad eating habits with within five months. She purchased stationary bikes, treadmills stair, stepper, rowing machine, elliptical trainer. They all gathered desk, the treadmill supported piles of books and magazines. The stair stepper was draped and scarves, and a trunk in the corner. Overflowed, with exercise DVDs, hand weights, jump ropes, and elastic exercise bands. I mean, it's really heartbreaking because I think a lot of people could relate to this. I think we all can. But we have all autism in the past or in the present or trying to make some changes the most troubling where the 15 cell Books on her shelf ranging from motivation to disciplined tips on recipes and walking yourself, it, she never doubted the her mother hadn't, read every single volume of every book that she owned and no one can question Catherine's mother's, deep, desire to change her habits. She obviously invested a great deal of time and money into different solutions, hoping that it would stick and it's a sad Tale, But it's a reminder of a sense of urgency life is happening right now. At this moment, it doesn't begin tomorrow or next week, or next resolution, Life is finite right? Would do all of our work to make it change in some way. But how many years do you think? Catherine's mother told herself? You know, tomorrow will be better or next week or I will start again next week. Just bgp down or something, she couldn't get it. She couldn't do it. All right, I mean, that happens as well, exactly. And she probably had these conversations with herself daily until she ran out of days. So, it's scary and it's sad. But I think that Universal perspective, exactly, for how we really want to be clear about What were willing to do to an honestly? It's not again. Lack of Desire. Hopefully, the tools were going to offer is going to help create that change. Yeah. And I would say that where I would begin the thought process on this because we know it all begins in the mind. There's a very important kabbalistic teaching from the Czar that says, everything begins in the mind and basically, the same as Consciousness, Consciousness thought, and unless the thought is strong, then the actions can never be strong. Than thought. So would you say thought and Consciousness is the same as intention? Yes. But it's deeper than that thought is an encompassing way that I view. So for example Where I would begin the, whatever it may be. One of our this is probably has different or similar ways and things that they want and need to change. I would say how do I strengthen my Consciousness around this, and I can use give a personal example, you know, there, we have mentioned previous podcast, one of our favorite sort of holistic, doctors online, that we enjoyed listening to watching as a podcast. Mark Hyman he taught his new book is new book out which I haven't read yet, but I am sure is Great. So I would recommend it already to our listeners. This is how to stay younger. I think it's called younger longer, and the point is, and he says, he wants to be the strongest, one hundred year old man, and this is absolutely possible. Of course, it's possible and you know, and for myself, where I have always struggled with, you know, sort of what going down to my to the weight that I need to be at the thought that changed, and this came from a lot from listening to Mark Hyman. And I am not there yet. But, is that again, this is just one example? Apple for me, there are certain things that are poison. Now, it doesn't mean that I don't eat them or I don't drink them but I know what they are and what it did, what it does for me is it gives me the strength to limit their intake hope, maybe. Hopefully, one day, I don't need to take any of them at all, but I think for me that's where it all began. So it's not my desire to be healthy and therefore the need to lose weight, for example, but rather it begins with the thought. Okay. This is poison. How much poison do I want to ingest today, tomorrow? The next day? So, A really powerful example. It's interesting though because I think we're I am much more extreme. I think a lot of things. Let us make sure we're discipline. Yeah. But the and I think what you're saying, is a great tool and I think that's helpful for me, knowing its poison, even if I ingest a little bit, which I do, right? We're all human. And then I already think oh my God, I put it's for me, it works the — because the thought with it as I am eating it or drinking is like, oh my God. How what is this doing to my body? Which Each what I really believe, right? Because of Consciousness, I am probably hurting myself more with the smaller amounts of taking because the way I think about it, right? Interesting. That's definitely true. But all this was just to say that as I think about myself in the changes that I want to make in my life and I think our listeners are the changes that they want to make in their lives. I would focus deeply, deeply, deeply on your thoughts around it. Meaning, what are the thoughts that you can strengthen on a daily basis around whatever it is that you're trying to achieve? For me, it was thinking about certain things as poison for our listeners will be different things. But my point is, unless that's done and to the degree that, that is done. Change will be almost impossible, will be almost impossible, like you showed with all those statistics. So where I would begin the first tool that I would really stress, and this can't be a decision that you make on January 1st to December 31st, this has to be an internal conversation that you have with yourself every single day. So, for example, what I do Try to do. And I would again recommend this in whatever area, our listeners are our desire to make a change, don't just start thinking about it when you're struggling with it, right? Think about it every day. Start your day off or at least throughout the day had an internal dialogue. I am not, I don't want to eat these things because they're poison and I say that to myself, not just when I am about to have, you know, cup of sugar. But in the morning throughout the day, and they listen to podcast that give me a deeper understanding, just reiterating the same idea over and over again because again, to the Gree of our Consciousness to the degree of our thought around any change that we want to make. That's the maximum. It will ever achieve. And if the thought isn't strong and you have to find new and interesting ways on a daily basis to make them strong and supportive and positive. Yes, exactly. To your point, there are people I know that you are very diligent and sometimes make a little mistake and that's the other side of it, right? Where person is really on a positive path. And this is something that a lot of the experts Unchanged speak about you know that there's this voice in our head that says, you know, you wanted to do X Y or Z and you just did you say you felt a small step it's all over. So all the way forget it. Forget about all of it, there's an internal battle. And if I can share a story, there's basically we're saying too much rigidity. Is the enemy of developing good habits, right? And When the Thought comes, I have made a mistake. I would done something I didn't want to do. I did something I was against the change that they wanted to make for myself. And my life is shame. The blame the guilt that follows that. Is the thing that Julie you will never you will be here again next year in New York. Exactly. So what you want to try to do is say, that's not true. I am on my path. And the path is never going to be, you know, a perfect line. It's going to be a to have its ups and downs, and I am still on the path. That's interesting. There is this story. Ready years? And years ago that stayed with me, man. That was in his like 70s, and he never changed his weight, his entire life. Why? Because if there is a day that he overate what she did, then the next day, Say he was strict. He didn't beat himself up. And why did he eat that? Whatever, he just course-corrected the next day and then if you do the math, you had too many calories a day. One day two. You had maybe two little, they balance out and, you know, it's like it's all the emotions and feelings we have around our shortcomings are failures or the, the goals we have set for ourselves. Which, by the way, might have been completely unrealistic in the first place, right? And usually they are, I should achieve this by this age. I should have done this, by this time, I should blah, blah, blah, blah. And we definitely, I do that with resolutions, which brings me to a bit I think it's very interesting and very illustrative in really even though it's about sports is a deep concept that really supports everything. We just said until now so Andre Agassi who was a great tennis player in the relative early part of his career he was see he had the natural talent and ability, he was a great tennis player, but he was always under achieving always underachieving. So one day his manager decided that he was going to hire Brad Gilbert who is also a nominee. Older. But and very successful tennis player to be his new coach. Brad Gilbert has a lot of idiosyncrasies a very interesting guy. He wrote a book which is interesting, so they go for lunch. What kind of it is? I can't speak today. Idiosyncrasies, what kind for example, he couldn't, he wouldn't sit outside because he has a terrible phobia for mosquitoes when it came to the restaurant, never sit outside. Almost never, I mean, at least one, even his first meeting with Andre Agassi as its told you. They want to see outside because its terrible phobia mosquitoes. They didn't have his favor. Beer at the restaurants where you went out and bought a six-pack, yeah, clearly an interesting character. But that's not, that's, that's, that's an aside from the story. They're at their lunch and Andre Agassi is listening to Brad Gilbert industry because his manager suggested them in a jury is deciding trying to decide whether he wants to take him on, as his new coach. So, he tells him, he says, I have seen you play, he says, you are the most talented natural tennis player I have ever seen. He said, if I fire Is I had your talent, I would never lose a match in my life. He says, but your problem is, is that you're trying to win every single point? Every single point, interesting his dad apparently when he was growing up, that's a foul. Yes. Yes it is. His dad was, I think it was a marine he was a boxer and his sort of teaching to his son was always had to punch him out in one shot and so every time he's a five-year-old kid, his father, telling him, hit it harder, hated stronger, right? That's how we grew up. So at this lunch, right, Gilbert tells him, he says, listen, you're playing. There's if every point is the end of the match and because of that, you're over hitting your making a lot of mistakes and that's why you're not really fulfilling the talent that you naturally have. You said this was ended and this is the point. He says, he says your point, you have to realize that you're not fighting against yourself. You're fighting against your opponent. You're playing against your opponent. And what you need to do is find out what his or her about playing a necklace. The man, what his weaknesses and played to that? He says, Brad Gilbert himself. Said that was my strength. I was not as naturally, talented as you, but I always knew that I wasn't playing against myself. He was playing against an opponent. Aunt? And my goal was to find. What is my opponent's weaknesses? And that's where I play too. Long story short, he took him on his coach, and he became one of the greatest players ever for us, that's I think 24 to fold lesson with some of, which we touched upon before. First, don't try to win every single point your point. Again, we're talking about diet, but it's really about anything. It's about removing anger, it's about removing lack of appreciation, relationship. Whatever it is, is even about, starting something starting a business. During this, not every choice, you make my decisions going to be. And don't write letters to me. You don't expect it to be as you were speaking. I got the chills because holding her now because I before I ruptured my tendon, every workout had to be as good as the day before every workout had to be some point where I walked out, and I was soaking wet and exhausted every work, I had to be like the if not it wasn't it was almost if I did nothing. Then I rushed my tendon I couldn't walk, I had to learn to walk. I just so many good. You know, there are plenty of physical therapy, then it became more. About like wow I can walk and I can jump and I can stand and respect and then I looked back at a years like years, like my entire life being an athlete, was that and then it just became about, you know, you can move and you can use your body as you need to and some workouts are going to feel better than others. And some are not, but you know what, they're all good. It's all about your state of mind, but it was really that. I was, I was fighting against myself for years and I think for our listeners it's important. To realize in this is a very important spiritual teacher, that your opponent is never you, is that voice in your head, which is not you and that perspective Begins the process of really facilitating real long-term change. So when you're trying to do something and you fall that voice, that's saying oh it's all over, there's no point in continuing, that's not you? That's separate voice in your head when you're trying to achieve change and the voice in your head says you not going to be able to do it in one day. We're not gonna be able to do it, it's on the accomplishable. That's the voice in the head and to really separate out. I think it's so important. So important to really there is the part of Us that's beautiful and amazing and powerful and able to change make changes in all things. And this that are the boys. And my opponent is that are the voice and I have to find ways to strengthen my inner, what I would call Consciousness and thought and realize that all those other thoughts, those negative thoughts, those defeating thoughts. Those are the opponent that I am battling. By the way, I am speaking with me today and I say this often people say, oh, well, I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of this. We talk about fears a lot and So she I gave her some tools, then she wanted to clear his. So when the negative thoughts come then I push them away and fight them and I said, no, absolutely not. Because fighting something right whether it's positive or negative, whatever it is effort. It's hard, it's difficult. I said, bring them in. Welcome them. Sit with them and say, okay, I challenge you are you something that I believe is a belief system that I actually created in my adulthood? Or is it from my childhood that belong to somebody else entirely. And I just watched it and I believe they were they impressed upon me. That I should be this way or that way. Sit with it, challenge it and then choose something else. So I think in this whole thing, whatever it is that you want to create, don't fight any negative thing, you have done, don't fight the lazy habits, you might have sat with them. It's beautiful. Do I want this? Is it serving me isn't mine and then it's beautiful? Something else. What was her reaction when you tell her? She's like well I mean I think real change is actually going to start occurring for her in the ways that she wanted. All right. Can you repeat? Everything is so For listeners, we say because it is counter-intuitive and it's not what that opponent voice in our head wants us to do, write it what it wants to do is get tired from fighting those thoughts. It's kind of like this and I had this realization actually myself this past week. If you think about a bully, right? The number one will rule. If you are, if you encounter a building is, don't engage because that's what they like, right? They like that argument. They like that back and forth, don't engage? But, of course, when a bully comes into your space and is attacking you, the Is you're going to fight it. The more you fight it, the more they push back and it becomes this tug-of-war. Instead, you can identify something you can ask yourself, is this really about me or is this something that is lacking in that person using that example? And then you can choose to be an observer. It's the same thing with any negative emotion, any negative experience and a negative thing that comes into your space. Let us say you bought that membership for the gym, right? You try it. You go on a Monday or Tuesday Wednesday or too, tired, you don't go. Oh my God, I am a failure told myself. I was going to go seven days a week at least for the first. First week and I haven't done that and now stop fighting, don't that all that negative thing. All the things you have just said about yourself, stop and sit with it. I don't like the choice I made today, but now I know better. It's going to inform my tomorrow. Anything that as Eckhart Tolle said anything you fight persist. So just learn to be comfortable to sit with the things that make you uncomfortable and then choose a different response. Absolutely. Which leads to another very important. I think tool is a very interesting book is called how to change. Yeah. To by k.t. Milkman. Yes, yes. Do want to show, maybe you share first and then I will show, but it's interesting. I was the part about too much rigidity. She did. I don't know if you're going to talk about this because we should say she's sorry, she's a Wharton School, Professor very well-known and regarded. She write her really her focus in life is about change but yet she wanted to test our hypothesis. So we took two groups group. One was encouraged to go the gym at a consistent time. Group to were also told to go at their ideal time. Let us say 9:00 AM the research. Is remind them to go at that time but also encourage them to go whenever it was convenient for them. And as a result is rigid, much less second group was given less rigid framework as a result group to one about the same frequency, but in a move, buried in a more varied manner. So, half of their gym visits, whereas at a consistent time and the other half were whenever they wanted to, which we have, do you think had more lasting habits? I would assume. According to the story that number two. Absolutely. They had gone at the same frequency, but in more varied ways, people who have formed routines that were consistent with Rigid. If they didn't get the usual time, they didn't go at all and I can say as a Virgo and becoming a change junkie. The number one thing that helped me become and step into that which is forever. Life choice was being flexible, you know, equal parts discipline and flexible. So I have an intention, I have a plan, I have a schedule, I have goals, I will do my best. If it doesn't work out. Okay, right away my brain. I have trained myself so well in that way but as soon as something happens and it didn't go, the way I want to look at. That's not an option anymore. Or what are my options, and it opens up everything? There's so many options if you think about it that way, beautiful, beautiful. Very, very important. And it really, it really dovetails with what we were talking about before that don't allow the rigid voice of the opponent in your head to say. No, you can go at 9 PM and you said you were going to go or whatever, 98, no point in going. And that is again where we keep going back to May because it's one of your favorite things. The exercise big and this is around any change. I think that's Point number one of what people? Yeah well I would hope for myself and for me it's not number one for me. There's a lot of internal changes that are assured and I think for many of our listeners there are maybe it's their relationship. Maybe it's their work, right? I am sure many of our listeners have different areas where they want to make a change. More fun to be kinder to yourself, to be kinder to others. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I, but I was actually going to share from the book how to change is something else. So she writes really her career began in this way. She was again as I said she was a professor at Wharton. She was invited by one of the Google. Vice presidents, an HR department to help them solve a problem. They had created so many programs to help people, Health finances, all kinds, of great programs. That's the, of course what they want to do. And he was very frustrated. That his name is Prasad said ëthat or Shetty. That none of almost, none of the employees were using these great tools that they prepare for them. Who wanted one. If you're being told if you take this, you know, lesson, if you take this course, you will learn how to save more money, you will learn how to be healthier and so on and so forth. So, he couldn't understand why with so many tools being given to the Google employees, almost none of them were using them, and so she comes to that visited Google. She says, you know what I have a hunch but I want it to be really Science-based. So let me think about it. So what you realize in this also brings us to New Year's is that it's used to use it to use this really study or historical fact, as an example up until the 1990s sudden infant death syndrome SIDS was a way either the largest bird. Very high rate of children deaths in the United States. It was crazy. The numbers. And then in the early 90s, the scientist discovered that one of the ways to cut by 50%, the chance of a child of the baby dying of SIDS, is laying them on their back. When they go to sleep, and they started a campaign and was called back to sleep, right? There was called back to sleep. And again if you look at where that, yes exactly. If you look at most campaigns with its again smoking whatever against over drinking or eating s***, whatever it is. Is so He campaigns that go on, they never have high rates of success? This campaign went set, only 17% of people were putting their babies to sleep on their back before the campaign 73%. At the end of this campaign were putting their babies to sleep on their back, which again, raised for her. The question. Why is it that throughout the rest of the life? It's so difficult to make important changes. Even, as you said life-saving chances, 40% of us of the people, the United States at least are still making sure. The unit will kill them, and on end. They want to change, but they can't. Why was this different? So, she came up with a concept that you call the Fresh Start affect the Fresh Start effect. Parents to children. They didn't have a child. The day before the mom goes to the hospital, she gives birth. It's a new, it's a fresh start. So when you start fresh and the pediatrician at the hospital says, by the way, here's a pamphlet. Don't put your child to sleep on their stomach, always, put them to sleep, on their back. You much more. Into it because you haven't done something, have a whole history to fight a whole history to go against, you have a fresh start. What? That one of the things we found. That's why it's often people use and thoughtfully and successfully you news, you news use new years as a way to start to have it for a stark because he gets calendar, nine months of investment of growing. A I mean I don't know if it's that we have all of us have years and years investing in life, and family and friends and love but the baby has to come out and the assumption is the baby will be healthy and then the baby's healthy. So you want to protect this thing that you put investment. Don't do, who do you want to protect more? Your baby or yourself? My family. Well anyway, I hear you right. I know, I am not disagreeing with. I just don't think it's that simple. But anyway, well, it worked. It worked. And this is why she believed it worked, which brings us back to what we were talking about before and brings me to a very important kabbalistic. Teacher that voice in our head says, You wanted to stop being angry, having angry outbursts, and you just did it again. You're never going to succeed. This might be a deep concept. I think it's a very important one. Most of us look at our lives as a Continuum, you know, I was born on this day and a person leaves this world on that day. But in reality, if we look at the soul and life and energy, I am alive the next second not because I was alive the second before, but I am actually being imbued with new life force today. This second is that there's a beautiful teaching from the capitalist. It says for every breath we thank the Creator because every breath is a new gift of life. So when we exhale, the fact that we are able to take the next in breath is not a given. It's actually not just a physical Breath of Life into our lungs. It is a spiritual infusion into our soul. When you look at Your life as these constant moments, of renewal to the next. It begins to give you that. I know this won't be easy for many of our listeners to really make their own right away? But I do strongly recommend this at. It works for me that when you view your life as a constant, renewal the next breath is a new me. The next breath after that is a new me and therefore, it doesn't matter that, I made a terrible mistake. One second to go with my last breath. That's that was an old person. The new breath is a brand-new person. And if you're able to have that inner dialogue and belief about yourself, it will become easier especially because we know that change is not going to be a direct line. But ups and downs, and failures and growth that really start looking at yourself as a new life every second. And this is the actual definition of mindfulness. Yes. Yes. Which leads again, to what I think is maybe the most one of the most powerful. Powerful. I might have shared some previous podcast but it's definitely worth repeating. One of the great kabbalist said the following, if you do not believe about yourself, then after having done the worst thing in the world and in the next second, you can be the most elevated soul that ever lived. You haven't even begun your spiritual journey and it relates to this point because if I truly believe, if I truly internalize this thought that, my next breath, I am a brand-new person, so it doesn't matter that I was terrible. A second ago, that was an old me. Me that mean no longer exist. This is a new me or in the words and clarify they can't go around acting like a jerk. I always said a minute ago, of course not, of course not. But we're talking about the challenges of change. The fact that we know that every single one of us as we made our decisions or make our decisions about those areas of Our Lives that we need, we need and want to change. One of the things that science tells us, which is really much very much backed up with the spiritual understanding that if you can be in a state of mind of a fresh start. And now I am saying that you can be in a fresh start mindset every second, it gives you the ability of renewal of getting up from the previous failure, knowing that okay, I made this was my goal to become less angry for example, and he's got terribly angry, like can't believe that happened, but New breath. It's a new me. It's a fresh start. This new me is not going to be angry. Well, I often have said this that you can restart your day at any moment. You know, often people wait until the next day is going to be better or till happy hour, or they just can't wait to go home and, you know, write it off. No, your you can't waste days, we're not meant to waste anything where you want to experience every day to the fullest. Even if you feel like you have failed yourself in that day, you can restart any minute. And I think that Under of breathe in, breathe out. It's like wax on wax off. I think hopefully a little bit deeper, but the karate kid, but 1000%. Yeah, I think I saved one of the best for last, right? That is there's no cure changes a chronic condition, meaning that I think again, as we have said the number one reason that people fail to make changes in form better habits is because we don't think about change in the right way. So, for example, think about this analogy but person or a diabetic It, and they go through the process of getting tests gone being diagnosed speaking to a diabetic nutritionist and starting a medicine to help control their diabetes. Would they ever stop taking a rest and after three weeks thinking they were cured, of course not, that would be crazy. So why do we think that once we have made chains, it's changed its forever? Its immediate automatic it did the work and now it's permanent and I succeeded the end never going to happen that way. Change is like diabetes. It's a chronic. No, but no think about it. It's not like a cold or a rash right, change requires persistence. Good habits need to be reinforced. The best way to make our changes stick is to do things consistently and continuously through our lives. Make those habits Pleasant and change can last and There's an author Ross, Allen horn, who wrote the book. How we change? He says, to the degree that you want something is to the degree of fear. You have of not getting it, you can't be a surrogate to the degree that you want something is to the degree of fear. You have of not getting it, you can't force anyone to change. You can't force yourself to change. I have to change. I should change that mindset. Just doesn't work. You can set up an environment that supports change, have mercy for yourself. Key and forming lasting change non-judgment so often I really fundamentally wholeheartedly believe this was I tried to change things about myself. Before I understood this you cannot fully change the parts of you that you know, you need to change whether it's physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or all of the above, unless you first fully love yourself, completely and wholly. You have to love yourself so much that you are. So self-involved stood in interested in the growth and the betterment and finding that, Perfected self that you are willing to do anything. When you love yourself completely like that. From that place, you can create change and that change lasts, beautiful. And if I could leave our listeners with this idea, we are in this world for only one thing and that is constant change. Change. Can either be proactive or as we often experience if we're not changing, they will be external pain. Well, that's an unfortunate word, but it's true. You cannot remain static, it. Lack of change catches up to you and therefore, for myself. And I know for you as well, change junkie, this is probably the guiding star of our life. How can I change? And always look, if you weren't one of the kabbalist said, if you look inside and see, Thing that you really need to change it simply because you're not spiritual enough. You don't have enough Vision about and Truth knowledge about yourself. But if you're truthful and have enough depth of knowledge about yourself, you will see. Oh my God. And that's, by the way. That's not, that's not a terrible thing. It's why we're here it sounded. That's why I will rescind those words. Oh my God, it's a. Wow, is more for me to do. That's actually why I am here, I am not here because I have become such a great person. I am going close for the next 50 years or 100 years. Whatever the number is, if I am here. That's a sign that I need. Be changing and you will change. We spoke about this before questions that are going to be proactively enjoying the change, or will they be external forces in situations that force you to change? And I may be on the more positive side. If there's something you don't have in your life, a relationship money. Joy is only one reason you haven't changed enough. So it's my hope and blessing for myself and for Monica, and for all of our listeners, this year, that we have the vision and excitement to see. I think Vince unpack that a little bit sport because those are that's a really broad statement. Be like, no, I what do I need to change? I think the idea is you have to understand to be a person that can experience joy, that can manifest wealth that. Remember the third thing, you said, you need to be able to see create the relationship. You want. See all things in your life. Good and bad challenging or not, as something that is an amazing opportunity for you. And that you need to become the person that can see. It that way I can attend. Change, right? Because it could be right in front of you, right? It almost is always, and you just can't see it from the space that you're occupying and the space that you're holding right to the point. Any lack that we have in our lives, and we all have black and life doesn't have to be a negative thing. I want more, I want more. That is the only path to get there is by looking inside. Finally, those parts of me that need to change, transform become better and acting upon it. And I promise you that, if you do that consistently, you will see that those areas of your life that you are, lacking become fulfilled. So before we let our listeners God like to share a letter from one of our listeners and it's a great time to remind all of our listeners to please share with Monica and myself. All your inspiring stories and lessons that you have received from this podcast. We both find it very inspiring. And I have heard by the way, from so many of our listeners that they find these sharings of stories and inspiration very inspiring to their own life. So please continue to send all of your disk. Comes up, sometimes the letters, don't hold back. If you have the thought to write something to share something, please do it right away. So hi, Michael and Monica. This is my second email to you. I love, love your show. I shared with all my friends and my family, especially my young adult children, who I hope. Listen to your wisdom today. I experienced a very challenging emotional state, and I left work early to nurture myself with self-care to navigate the difficult. Predicament. I now find myself in Awareness around my own self care has really taken a new level for me, particularly this year. To start shifting my mood, I focus on what I could do to support myself. Firstly, I released emotions by allowing myself to cry once that passed. I visited the store to buy some healthy food for dinner, ran a few errands and spoke to some close friends. These seemingly teeny tiny little decisions. Really helped me to move my mood further. I decided to go for a beach sidewalk and I popped on my headphones to listen to episode 107 episodes. 107 was speaking to me, like something from Beyond the timing was impeccable and I spent the time smiling and nodding and agreeance saying in my mind, oh yes, I do that. And oh yes, I could do that as I walked and listen. I felt so blessed to have found your podcast and the opportunities that it is provided to my soul to grow and develop you both made a difficult afternoon. Much more enjoyable. Bless you both Amanda Lee. Thank you so much. Amanda firmly for sharing this story and as I said these stories really Inspire Monica and myself. Continue spreading this podcast. So please all of our listeners if you have a story and inspiration, we love hearing from you and inspires us and inspires our listeners, send all of your comments, questions to Monica and Michael at kabbalah.com/rh. Always share this podcast with everybody, you know, friends family is Amanda Lee, did children husbands wives and so on and so forth, so that they as well, can be inspired by this risk, and we hope you enjoy it. Listening to this podcast. As much as we enjoyed recording space, spiritually angry.