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116. I Know I Can: 4 New Ways to See Self-Doubt

Speaker 1

00:00

Do whatever it is that really scares you the most because it's a thing you want the most. And there's a reason for that, right? It's probably connected to something that you're really meant to do, or meant to reveal in this world. And the self-doubt is there for you to become the best version of you, to be able to manifest that welcome to the spiritually hungry podcast. I think there's a misconception that self-doubt afflicts only, people who may suffer from low self-esteem lack confidence or maybe you're just starting out in whatever field they're pursuing. Would you agree.

Speaker 2

00:47

That? That's a perception that certainly not the reality. I think every bite. I said self-doubt at different times.

Speaker 1

00:56

I would say even the greats, have self-doubt. Sure, but that's not obvious to most. That's why I want to bring attention to that. In fact, may be particularly the highest level of achievers are beset by self-doubt. So give me some examples. Albert Einstein called himself an involuntary. Swindler really Maya Angelou felt like a fraud and didn't She was half as good as people seem to think she was writer. John Steinbeck said he had been fooling himself and others that he was a good writer. Michelle Obama questioned whether or not she was good enough. Good enough to be an attorney good enough to have a job, this job that job or good enough to be first lady self-doubt causes us to ask ourselves a lot of questions. So I want to invite our listeners to see if any of these ring true for you. What if you mess up, what if you look stupid, what will people say, are you really smart enough, talented enough capable enough experienced enough? Now you're smiling was.

Speaker 2

02:04

Really because you remind me of a Saturday Night. Live skit, Al Franken, used to do really well. I used to have this Friday.

Speaker 1

02:10

I am good enough. Exactly. And I am people like me, like me, and I am wearing a yellow sweater some Tell you to wear this big, I thought you were smiling because you don't seem to be plagued by self-doubt. But I think that there was probably a time in your life when your father was this great Giant and are you were expected to?

Speaker 2

02:37

Well, I think that the point is, I.

Speaker 1

02:38

Think happened, I am sorry shortcut, right? Out of that cell and you had I think there were many Expectations placed on you whether they were expressed or not and maybe even put that on yourself. But I think and you were really walking in his footsteps but you wanted to carve out your own Niche. So were you self-doubt plagued at the?

Speaker 2

03:02

Time? I wouldn't say the word plate. That's a big word play but I especially when describing.

Speaker 1

03:07

Yourself doubt about yourself. Yes, I understand.

Speaker 2

03:10

I think plagues in general and not so great but I do think that doubt actually can be And is a necessary when understood and used in the right.

Speaker 1

03:20

Way you look how you avoided answering the?

Speaker 2

03:22

Question. No, no. Should note that the point being is that I try to use doubt then. And now, in the way that we're supposed to, and the point is again, spiritually, we understand, there's nothing no emotion that we have no motion that exists.

Speaker 1

03:40

Why are you laughing?

Speaker 2

03:42

You don't like the.

Speaker 1

03:46

Truth.

Speaker 2

03:46

Sometimes. Doubt is so there's no emotion that exists. That doesn't have a Positive Purpose. The question is, how do we use it?

Speaker 1

03:54

So if you want me to later want me to I can. But I was asking you like these different the list I went through, right? Did you ever have.

Speaker 2

04:01

That? Well, it's okay. So you know like this answer but the.

Speaker 1

04:04

Reality is go back to your success.

Speaker 2

04:06

Yeah. I can remember my 16 year old self my ten-year-old. So yeah maybe when I was like you know, 10, 11 years old, but nothing serious because it's I am being honest because I always from a very young age wanted to direct my life in a way that was its purpose. And when you do that, you really learn to give much less Credence to what others would see and say and judge. So failure is less again, assuming you're doing what you need to be doing self-doubt. I think again often comes from the fact that how is I perceived, how will I be? Received and if you're able to again this is a life work but to really chip away at.

Speaker 1

04:53

That. Yeah I mean I think self-doubt is a little more complicated than that. I think it's not only how I be perceived, it's even if you have achieved great things. As I have had some of these weird talk about like imposter syndrome, I felt like that, I felt like a fraud and then I think sometimes when we even become successful, where we become clearly, good at what we do, then it's like, oh if I have one misstep, then people going to think that, you know, I have lost my touch or it was just a one-off, right? It doesn't just end with okay. When I arrived to whatever my goals been or whatever, worked really hard, even if it's in the realm of Virtuality, right? You're doing something positive and good for the world, you can still get to this place of like what if it's all gone? What if I lose it all? Does it matter if you have achieved it necessarily not? Now you're saying, if your intention is in the right place, it won't matter. I agree with that. And I also think that self-doubt can be useful when applied properly we're going to get to. So I don't want to put all of that had but I don't think it's as simple as caring. What people.

Speaker 2

05:58

Think, of course, not know some of it is purely.

Speaker 1

06:00

Internal most yes.

Speaker 2

06:03

I.

Speaker 1

06:03

Wasn't driving, it is to be discussed, right? I think is it that you care more about other people think? Or you're having a hard time with what you think about.

Speaker 2

06:12

Yourself, right? Right. And again, both of those I think happened to varying degrees.

Speaker 1

06:20

So let us talk about the nature of Self Doubt before we break things down. So there's its there're two sides. As I see it. One side is decidedly less enjoyable, that's when we're bombarded with self-doubt. It doesn't only affect how we see ourselves at colors, our experiences in life. It intensifies, stress levels. It makes us feel under valued in terms of our accomplishments or our contributions and it can also manifest in terms of procrastination and self-handicapping. So of handicapping is something that most people do when they're not even aware of it. It's a defensive strategy that helps us blur the reasons for our mistakes or failures. So for instance using drugs or alcohol before a big test. Now you have an Of why you did poorly, right? It's a way to protect our ego and it's a way to really keep us stuck. This strategy, of course, only leads to even more self-doubt because we're not even in the playing field. The other one, the other side of the coin is what if self-doubt is a fuel for greatness. So we know cabalistic lie, that no achievement comes without opposition, and self-doubt can be one form. And really, the question, I guess, we are asking our listeners to posit is, is self-doubt the Position that we need and create for ourselves in order to push us toward our greatness in our greatest potential. And of course, that depends on what you do with it. So if you challenge it and you argue it, right? And you, and I am going to give some example. So let me just go ahead of myself. So what I am saying is self-doubt is uniquely Human Experience. If you consider a bird or a squirrel or a dolphin, right? They're not having thoughts like a bird. Never worries. If he can fly, he just does it.

Speaker 2

07:59

I wonder.

Speaker 1

08:00

But I swear, I knew when I brought the subject like go to this As of thinking, what a bird must be feeling. Well, tuber, I.

Speaker 2

08:06

Took worrell's. I don't believe. They must be science. Must.

Speaker 1

08:09

Be some mental ones. Like squirrels are afraid of heights. Do you.

Speaker 2

08:13

Enough? Well or do they have self-doubt? I.

Speaker 1

08:16

Wonder and dolphins. Do they question if there are good? Swimmers or not? I don't think.

Speaker 2

08:21

So. Well that's yeah that's an opinion. Understand this here fact I would.

Speaker 1

08:24

Actually what I would like you to research? Why don't we pause right now? Take it. Take it. Look. Say, have we ever discovered a bird a squirrel or a dolphin that have? Fear of natural.

Speaker 2

08:36

Animals. Have self-doubt, self-same animals filled out, how do they know, science, new research?

Speaker 1

08:46

But new research from.

Speaker 2

08:47

What humans are able to feel uncertainty, they know, and they know something and when they don't the capacity of metacognition. So one of the important questions in the field of animal and human psychology is, whether this meta cognitive, capacities, uniquely human or whether nonverbal non-human animals, have a level of metacognition. Step towards solving the problem. Now have been made by.

Speaker 1

09:07

Researchers plan to stop mumbling through the oh, sorry. So when you read something that.

Speaker 2

09:13

Their research, okay? So the comparative psychology of uncertainty monitoring and metacognition will be presented in December issue of the behavioral and brain Sciences. One of the Premier journals in the field of cognitive science. The article describes three Studies by the authors with humans A group of monkeys and one bottlenose dolphin that used behavioral nonverbal measures of metacognition. The key, innovation in this research also was to Grant animals and uncertain response, so they could decline to compete any Trials of their choosing given this option, animals might choose to complete trials, when they are confident, they know, but decline them when they feel something like uncertainty to show this Behavior pattern though animals would have to monitor some Um, psychological signal of confidence or uncertainty and responded that lead to it. So the researchers have shown that the monkeys and the dolphin use the uncertain response in the pattern. That is essentially identical to the pattern with which uncertain humans, use it. So bottom line, it seems that they're saying.

Speaker 1

10:20

It's possible. It's possible. Yeah, so to my point because I think that in order for an animal to survive, in the wild, they're going to have to figure it out, right? And I think that we're much More complicated. So the example I wanted to give in terms of really pushing ourselves through the self-doubt, is painter, Vincent van, Gogh was, reportedly said, if you hear a voice within you say, you cannot paint, then by all means paint. And that voice will be silenced. And I think that's what we're asking, and we're going to help you do that. But I think that's really what each person must decide for themselves. Our pathway through self-doubt is really to either paint or to fly or to swim. Um, or to climb, right? It's just to go through and push through that, that negative voice because it's there as.

Speaker 2

11:09

Opposition. Interesting. The II heard well very well-known writer speak about the concept of writer's block, and he said to me, which I thought was very interesting. He said writer's block does not exist. What is that?

Speaker 1

11:20

So a 100% before you even like, I know we're going to go with this because I do agree with that. No, because it's ready to go. That's telling you that you have writer's block it. Interesting. That's not where I was going. That's what I would go with that.

Speaker 2

11:42

So what he said, which I thought was very interesting, he said there's no such thing as writer's block there's such a thing as bad writing which means in a person. Has he or she has been has writer's block because me they can't type, right? Can type I would word and.

Speaker 1

11:56

Sentences. Every Thursday is going to be a.

Speaker 2

11:57

Master there, but they're saying is I am worried that what I am going to write is going. Be bad and.

Speaker 1

12:02

Here's so then you stop. You don't even write.

Speaker 2

12:05

Nobody hit. Nobody. Exactly. That's what. That's what people mean. When they say writer's block, you don't actually mean right as f***. So his solution was which made a lot of Senses, right? Bad. Just make sure you keep on writing and if it's bad, it's bad. Eventually, you will end up writing something good. And the idea is that I.

Speaker 1

12:20

Think your point, one of the things that I have instead of whatever worth doing is worth doing well, I say would have worth doing is worth doing poorly. That's the only way you're going to get two. Great.

Speaker 2

12:28

Absolutely, I think it's also important to realize that, you know, confidence, which is kind of the other side of assist opt-out is both of them. Are can be equally.

Speaker 1

12:41

Harmful Inc. You go there. What do you would unpack that?

Speaker 2

12:44

Michael sure that often right we view self-doubt as a hindrance as a problem is as a challenge, the reality is that confidence. Certainly overconfidence can be just as harmful to the individual and others, and we see this all the time with things blow up, why? Because The person was so sure that they knew exactly the right thing to.

Speaker 1

13:04

Do well the short-sighted, right? Because they're so in the moment of I know it's going to work, this is going to happen that they can't even see the warning signs and the right.

Speaker 2

13:12

Exactly. And therefore I think what the right path is one that integrates doubt with confidence, not one way or the other. And that's the only way. A person can actually make sure that what they're doing and the decisions that they're making are aligned with what I would call the proper path. But I was going Is that also, we need to embrace the self-doubt? Why it's the right type of Doubt. Because what happens, and we have seen this often when a person does not doubt themselves in the right ways, right now in a way that, that, that stops us from doing, but just asking the right questions. Because what doubt really is saying in some way is, are you sure right you're about to do this business venture? Are you sure? Now again, that could become a Paralyzing self-doubt or that can be.

Speaker 1

14:06

I think there's a difference though between doubt and then taking pause and then self-doubt in your ability to do.

Speaker 2

14:13

Right? But it's I understand they're a little bit different but it's the same a person's wants to start this business for example, and he has doubt, what does it mean? He's he or she is not sure that they can should or can be successful in doing that. So the point is that, that those questions the reason why doubt exists and even self-doubt to some degree, is to clarify and make better the path that we move. Move forward with. And the only thing I would add is that the one way to make sure is my self-doubt or my doubt, right? Or is it is manifesting in the way that it should, is, it pushes me forward in the right way? As opposed to paralyzing me.

Speaker 1

14:57

So, I think the first step is to acknowledge and appreciate that doubt itself is a force that we can be friended rather than an enemy we need to conquer. That's the first thing is people see it as in security weakness something I shouldn't have if I was confident that I would be successful, and we're saying no that's not the case when we don't acknowledge our self that we end up dealing with it in unhealthy ways. So Dr. Kristin Neff, she's a self-compassion expert, I never heard that title, but she said don't beat yourself up for beating. Yourself upright, we know a lot of people who do this, and then they just get stuck in that vicious cycle instead challenging yourself doubt. Usually looks like asking yourself what if the opposite was true? When a limiting belief arises right? So because we're so quick though and I hear your point of you want to take pause and you want to ask yourself, the question is this something I should do? I am meant to do, I am able to do by myself or with others whatever it is. But I think as well. And that's why I was kind of pushing back a little bit because I think even before that, Were like oh I just I could never do that. Like we don't even take that step. I think you're looking at it as a healthy like you're already at that place of like I am going to miss my.

Speaker 2

16:06

Said it has to be the process of Doubt should be one if it's healthy. If it's propelling you forward in a thoughtful mindful way if it's paralyzing, if it's keeping you from doing that it's not being used in its proper, there's proper.

Speaker 1

16:23

Way, right? So I think a good way to check where you're at is to ask yourself these questions. Questions. So, for instance, right, if you're doubting that, you're able to do something, what if you say, well, am I prepared to take a bigger role in something? For instance, if you had everything it takes to build that business, it's important to ask yourself that question, right? It's important to go through this process or ask yourself. If what I just told myself, is it true? Is it important? If that person that I am interested in, maybe they're interested in me as well, right? It's kind of like, looking at the whole picture. Instead of in a negative way or the punishing way to ask true and honest questions, right? That's going to take you to the next.

Speaker 2

17:03

Step and I would add that I would add to that. And this is what I think is a very important Understanding or teaching but one that is difficult to live. There's a word that is often used in the ancient text to express the right way of being and that is simple. And what that means is and I know it's not easy to do but if a person can go through life Doing the important things. Pushing in the important ways without any or at least in limiting. Their expectation of the result meaning, I believe, this is what I should do. I am going to invest 100% of my effort. I am going to do it in the best way that I can. What the result is, I know is not up to me. I know that I can't control the result, I can control the process and really being simple in that way. Like when you see, you know, a kid trying to do something to build the house of Bricks above wooden.

Speaker 1

18:08

Bricks and even a baby trying to pick up a Cheerio. Exactly. Exactly the things.

Speaker 2

18:18

They're not they, of course, want to achieve a certain result, but not like adults were like, oh my God, this didn't happen as they wanted it to happen, you know, this is terrible. And again, I do strongly believe that, this way of living is something, we all want to develop that. That simplicity In detaching ourselves from what the end result is going to be. So even in relationships, right? What happens? A person says, you know if I reach out to that person or if I make a an approach towards that person, if they reject me, oh my God, I am going to feel so bad. But if it doesn't, you know, old that.

Speaker 1

18:54

Story is. So instead of focusing on the fear of what might not happen, focus on the possibility of what can happen? And I would think there's you there.

Speaker 2

19:01

And I would take that it. Well, I would take that even further to say, try to build. And a Detachment.

Speaker 1

19:08

But actually what will.

Speaker 2

19:09

Happen because, and again, this one, make sure that this particle is because I do. I mean, it's something that I work on a consistent basis and I do feel strongly for our listeners. It's a very important self developmental process, where we go through life, whether as in our relationships, even or as parents, or in our work, and anything that we're doing, that is important to us. To understand that I am not the ultimate Arbiter of whether this is going to be manifest. Exactly. As I wanted. And I am happy with that. I am except that, I know that I can control my part of the work and if it's on the important, I will invest as much time and effort, but what happens at the end, I am completely, okay? With whatever the result is going to be, and I will use an example in. This is something that I learned both my parents but really for my father, he spent basically his entire Teaching people, he had students who were closed and individual students. Of course, he also gave classes to larger numbers and I would see over time. So I saw this over 30 years, where he would invest a tremendous amount of time effort, love wisdom in one student or another, and they would let him down. They wouldn't become the person that he had hoped to bring them to become. And every time that happened, and we would talk about it. He would say, you know, I am certain that We energy invested doesn't go to waste. So if I invest money in this student, in my invest time and effort and love with this student, and they disappoint me, I thought initially going somewhere.

Speaker 1

20:42

Else. So yeah, we see that. I am not only mean we have all kind of done, that's even best in a student for 10 years, 20 years, and then they're interested. And then suddenly they just drop off the face of the Earth. They don't want to study it. And then you think, oh my God, all those years, I spent with that person, investing them, and then they abandoned their spiritual journey. But Truth energy is never wasted and that energy created something for you as the giver, but also will be offered change some kind of effect somewhere else that we don't have access to seeing.

Speaker 2

21:16

So that's what that does. Hopefully, if you really think about this deeply, it begins or continues to separate yourself, your actions directions desires from what the ultimate outcome is going to be.

Speaker 1

21:31

The problem there though. And I think This is I am just going to speak on what I think. Our listeners are thinking. As they hear us talking about this.

Speaker 2

21:37

You're probably about your laughing before.

Speaker 1

21:39

Ha, I was channeling. What's that guy's name with the pinky that other guy.

Speaker 2

21:43

From? Oh yeah, Mike Myers in which movie I forgot the name of the movie.

Speaker 1

21:50

Tell me what's the name of the movie? This awesome powers. So I could feel him listening and having the answer there in the corner. So now I have lost my train of thought it's not even if people can get to that place of, okay. I am not going to be attached to anything, right? Not even the process. I think what happens though, is that, if let us say, let us take that example, putting energy in a student 10 years. You don't see the change or the effect that you hope that your offerings will have on them. Then what starts to happen is? You have self-doubt, maybe I am not a good enough teacher, or I am not delivering the message enough, or I am you know, too busy with whatever, right? That's, this is really the problem.

Speaker 2

22:35

It's actually, so, to answer the first question, yes, a long time ago about self-doubt, so when I started giving lectures when I.

Speaker 1

22:40

Started getting first, yes.

Speaker 2

22:43

And when I saw you giving lectures and classes and for larger and larger groups, we're not I was younger, then. Yes. There were times you're like, oh my God. I am speaking to a thousand people, whatever that number.

Speaker 1

22:55

Was, and I am just 17, and we will just.

Speaker 2

22:57

Exactly sure. Of course, you have to have some trepidation, some doubt and then, but over time in this is, I think the point in all areas of our lives and our listeners lives, when I get to a place where again, so my thought process today, and if I am giving a lecture, whenever I am sharing something is, I strongly believe this is my soul's purpose desire. I should be doing this at the right thing. For me to do and I want to do it in the best way possible in the most inspiring way possible in the clearest way possible and so on, but at the end of the day and this might sound harsh. I really don't hope not to care how it's being.

Speaker 1

23:31

Received. Okay. But let me ask you. Yeah, and I hear you. And I do this exercise as well. But then, let us say you're in that zone. I don't care about the lemons. When it comes to, you know, Michael, I have noticed, you know, your lecture this week, it's just different. The ones you gave a few months ago, where a little bit better. Or whatever that you don't think that would affect your good thing itself?

Speaker 2

23:51

Doubt, I would hope not. I would really hope.

Speaker 1

23:53

Not Because we all get unsolicited.

Speaker 2

23:56

Feedback. Yeah, I get it sometimes too. And.

Speaker 1

23:58

I am not saying that anybody said that to you. That's not. I don't want people to misunderstand. I am just saying that, you know, it's a slippery slope and I thought that not that, but I didn't listen.

Speaker 2

24:08

On the other hand. If somebody said to me, you know, you this point that you made really clear and clear. I would like to give a thought sure. So, but I think the point again, so the point is that and I know this is not it. Look, we all were hopefully working towards us, but I feel very strongly That this is a necessary development for each one of us. If not only for the fact that with the, if we are not moving in that direction will never be able to purely as purely, as we're meant to fulfill our destiny. Accomplish what we came to this world to accomplish the more, we are attached to the external meaning. And in this case, even what the effect of my actions is going to be, or how I am going to be perceived, About it. The less likely I am to actually fulfill whatever my calling is. Whatever my purposes, whatever our listeners purposes.

Speaker 1

25:03

So I do want to unpack something that we kind of just breezed over and that's imposter syndrome because 70% of people have experienced this in their lives, it's a big number and I when I read up on this a bit because again, I have told you, I have experienced that I thought was really interesting to break it down. So I think sometimes, when we understand how we got to, where we are at these, To kind of say, okay, I can abandon this now because it was, it's ridiculous. And I understand how I got to feel the way that I do.

Speaker 2

25:31

I know you really like. So as you were saying, as you were talking, I was room it, like you asked me? Do I ever feel? It's like, imposter syndrome. I think it's a really. So, every, once in a while, right? Echoes, get.

Speaker 1

25:41

Personal. Did.

Speaker 2

25:43

You enjoy this? I did so like, you know, every once in a while, you know, because people obviously in my.

Speaker 1

25:47

Position and thinking like, how many years were you married before you were able to, really like, I took me a really long time for you to be open at your feet.

Speaker 2

25:55

Feelings. So, so, you know, people and this is just human nature when you have a teacher, when you're learning for somebody, when somebody inspires you, you just sort of build this you do you consciously or unconsciously build this sort of perfect person, right? And I know that I am not perfect, right? And I don't ever poor to be perfect and every once in a while say, oh my God, you know people nor disproven if somebody says something that I had that thought for a second. You know, I am not perfect. So what does that mean about the way they're perceiving me? We eat I am projecting myself. And then at the end of the day what I really believe is that none of us have been to be perfect. We're supposed to be trying to become better and better all the time and as long as it's enough for me, then whenever perceptions other people have of me or, you know, or they see me as this and if they knew that I was in this way, oh my God. What would they think? You know, as long as it's obviously within the context of me getting better all the time, you know, becomes an important. And I think the point is that as long as You're happy with yourself, maybe not happy, meaning not Desiring to grow, because hopefully we all desire to grow and change all the time. But your you feel comfortable in the state that you're in and in the push that you have to get even better? And better than, hopefully, again is a later what we were saying before? It begins to remove what others perceptions of you might be and how that relates to how you buy their feel, the need to be perceived or want to be perceived.

Speaker 1

27:22

Nice. Yeah, you're welcome. Okay. So I just want to, I want to unpack this a little bit imposter syndrome, so, It's particularly common among successful professionals, who have reached their upper echelons of success is defined by their industry, age group or gender. They may stop to look around from their perch as they rise in their career and suddenly Panic that there are phonies, they believe they have managed to convince everyone around them of their worthiness. And I think that's what again, because when we talk about self-doubt people don't usually think about people who are successful because it's all about our perception of them, right? Like, oh, they're getting up in front of thousands of people in speaking or, you know, running. Name this business that makes billions of dollars a year? What did they don't think that? This, this thought process actually occurs psychologists believe, imposter syndrome, may be rooted in family background and the parenting Style with which one was raised. So this really interests me because, you know, I am really fascinated by our beginnings and I love, you know, learning about psychology, but also children. So, the one, the first one is undeserved, praise if your parents or other significant adults in your life, a grandparent a family friend, the much older sibling gave, you acknowledgement Things. You didn't think you deserved praise for. You might have become instilled with the sense that you are a phony. Were you applauded for things? You knew your peers were better at in that area. You may have started to think your output ability was a big sham and it's really interesting. No, praise it.

Speaker 2

28:47

Just reminds me I do. Hope he doesn't mind me sharing this, our son, our oldest son, David.

Speaker 1

28:52

Probably going to find but I know what you're saying. I do it all the time. We signed.

Speaker 2

28:56

Up for gymnastics when he was like probably about five or six years old, he was not Isabel at all. So there was this day when they're giving out the medals right Eddie? We were like, I don't know.

Speaker 1

29:06

We're concerned it's going to enter itself. He could be tried and sweating, and he's trying to do every single thing somebody had never.

Speaker 2

29:14

Done before.

Speaker 1

29:17

Like you're amazing.

Speaker 2

29:19

Well he was amazing because we was cute but it was.

Speaker 1

29:22

Stuff like this. Still see his face but whatever, I don't think we did that one. Yeah, it's off. I am trying to think about this next one kind of rings true for From my childhood, I think no Praise on the flip side. If you is never I shouldn't say never received. Any praise even for something impressive. Such as battling a home run earning Straight A's nabbing lead role in the school. Play, you probably learned to think of yourself as an adequate and really up to Snuff third, lack of entitlement. If you were disciplined as a child using language such as your brother deserves to sit up in front because he ate all his spinach and you didn't, or you don't deserve to have dessert because you didn't clean your room. You might have drawn the natural conclusion that your Generally, warrant a deserving person. If the idea of deserving was directly tied to punishment than your understanding, what it means to be deserving as likely War, and the fourth is family labels and how this is. So like as I am sure everybody can relate to maybe even more than one of these on the list. So the fourth is family labels. If you grew up with siblings, you may have been identified with a certain role in the family. At the smart one, the sensitive one, the competitive one. And so on the danger of those family labels is that it can be hard to shed? Even if a child's behavior and disposition Away from the defining perception, this can lead to deep self-doubt When people's personal views in themselves. Don't match up with what they have always been defined at as or recognized for then interesting. So the antidote of dealing with our Self Doubt and unhealthy ways is learning to befriend our inner critic, which sounds almost contradictory but hear me out. We're not saying celebrate, your inner critic, rather embrace it, as part of the human existence that it's here to challenge. You to level up and reveal more of your greatness and to keep yourself accountable. And, so I think that's the, the key there, right? It's that you don't want to not have any self-doubt, it's what are you going to do with it? Where you go to challenge it? Or you're going to transform it? Are you going to like Vincent van Gogh, you know, just paint, do whatever it is that really scares you the most, because it's the thing you want the most. And there's a reason for that, right? It's probably connected to something that you really meant to do, or meant to reveal in this world, and the self-doubt is there for you to Become the best version of you to be able to manifest that.

Speaker 2

31:33

Exactly, I mean, that's maybe one of the key takeaways for our listeners is that self-doubt has and can be a very positive part of our development and use properly and I think used properly the one of the greatest test for that is, am I pushing through it? Not in my ignoring it, but it might push through it. My actually doing taking the questions, and I am the self-doubt is Raising And to them, meaning I want to become a, you know, an astronaut, right? So myself down will say, one, second, you have any background in this at all. Well, merry dance would be absolutely not. Well, then I shouldn't push through it, right? But if I say, I want to give lectures and stuff, that's oh my God, maybe you're not good enough, you know? And then you answer this question, what do I need to do to get even better? We're right. And sometimes it's practice, sometimes it's his learning different techniques and so on, so forth, I think the bottom line is self-doubt like you said is not something to be disregarded. It and nothing to B to be even, you know, disappointed with it's actually a necessary and possibly, if used properly a great developer and as long as we make sure that we are not paralyzed by it but actually push through it.

Speaker 1

32:49

So, here's the key. The thing that you need to be able to transform the self-doubt as something useful is self-compassion. And I think that especially when we talk about spirituality, Ality talk about change and growth and so some people like, oh my God, I need to change so much because I am so far from where I need to be, but like in a negative way, not in a purposeful inspirational way. And so, when we talk about all this change, and we don't have self compassion, we can be had self-judgment right there was a Huffington Post article by Dr. Andrea Pennington. He's a doctor of Integrative Medicine, and she said, when we step onto the path toward becoming our best self, we open our eyes hearts and Minds to seeing ourselves deeply from the inside out. Beginning or deepening our spiritual journey, involves coming face-to-face with the darkest aspects of our personalities. We must embrace our Darkness to shine brighter. So seeing our darkness is not something. Any of us are excited to do yet. It's necessary for growth. And at the key here again, is to make sure that when you see that stuff that needs to change, right? Really Empower yourself to not like oh my God I am not good enough to do XY and z, or I am so far from where I need to be to manifest really Just say okay, I am going to use the self-doubt. I am just going to start doing beautiful.

Speaker 2

34:04

Is there something you like to leave our listeners with thought, to leave our listeners?

Speaker 1

34:08

With? You know, it's really cute about you every time I have just like wrapped it up and then you ask me, do I want to leave them with something? But I just did that. So it makes you look like a cab nothing else to say. I can think of another point, I think I wrapped it up.

Speaker 2

34:22

We had any of this, I really never leave it. Okay, great. So.

Speaker 1

34:25

Let me be edited out. Makes me look bad, you bad.

Speaker 2

34:30

I am not sure that I will leave our listeners with one thought though, which is something that I that we have spoken before about it. But I think it's so important. The idea of living simply detaching, our need to manifest, our potential, all of us have that all of us need to push for that and detaching it from the actual effects that is going to have a won't have knowing that the energy that we invest in the right ways whether it's trying To find a mate with its trying to manifest a new business. Will that energy will never go away as long as we maintain the Consciousness that energy doesn't go away and then it will manifest, maybe not with this person with that, that person, maybe not in this business, but in other business, and really living, simply really. And again, it takes a lot of deep work to live, very.

Speaker 1

35:23

Simply so complicated.

Speaker 2

35:26

So I would like to share one of the letter that we an email that we got from one of Listeners. And this is a great time to remind our listeners to keep sending your comments. Questions. Stories Inspirations complaints about me and the.

Speaker 1

35:39

Way hey.

Speaker 2

35:43

To Monica and Michael at kabbalah.com/rh, we do find it very inspiring, certainly in when we get to share them with the rest of our listeners. I should feel strongly by know. We hear from others, it inspires them. So please make sure if you have anything you want to share a story in this parade, Asian a common Monica and Michael at kabbalah.com/rh here. Monica and Michael. This is not the first time that I write to you because I am a huge fan. I am from Sao Paulo Brazil and I have been studying Kabbalah for two years. I could say that one of the most important tools that I have is your podcast. I listen, every week, this week's episode touched me very deeply because of how I strongly relate to Monica, when she shared that the passing away of her dad changed. Her relationship with her mother. My father was the best person and the best connection that I had in this life, he passed away four years ago and the pain that I went through, was almost unbearable. But changed the way that I see my mother. We always fought a lot and my father was the balance so you can imagine when he passed away, what happened? I decided that this was something I needed to fix because she loved me and I loved her. And as my father was not there, he would want us. Us to get along and be happy. They were happily married for 50 years. So I can't imagine how life is for her without him. But certainly I worked very hard to understand that it is time for me to give and after her life that she took care of me because it was my own time to give back after much work. Now, we get along, we travel together have fun together and no matter how much time I have left with her in this life, for sure. We enjoy each other's company, everything changed for us and now we are just friends. Friends, even though sometimes I do not agree with everything that she does but I can connect with her all the time. Thanks for sharing, not only your wisdom, but your experience and your feelings. I always feel touched When you mention your parents, and they're passing because for me, although I miss him a lot, it was a very transformative moment in my life that changed me in a way that Only Love Can He passed away, we miss them. But at the end of the day, it was all about love in our strong and unconditional love for them. Please never stop recording this amazing podcast? Love you guys and God bless you. Well, that's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your.

Speaker 1

38:11

Story. Finally, have somebody else reached out to me this week. And she said, you know, my daughter was so nice to me this past week. She was like, getting me like cream I needed, you know, I get really dry. In the winter and you my favorite coffee and bake me something all this. Just like I didn't understand like what the big change was, and then she shared with me later that she had heard that episode also and this person that had lost her father and then all of a sudden she realized they consider focusing on that only because she lost him many, many like she was very young that she started to awaken appreciation for another beautiful. Yeah, that afraid of me.

Speaker 2

38:48

Again, make sure to share this podcast with everybody, you know, I am not but podcast five star reviews, right? Write reviews and do everything we can to get the message of this podcast to as many people as possible and continue to send your stories questions, comments complaints. Now to Monica and Michael at kabbalah.com/rh. Hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed the.

Speaker 1

39:12

Recording. And we enjoyed say stays virtually hungry.

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